That is an important question – and one whose answer has many nuances. A simple answer to that question might be: When your relationship has fallen apart and cannot be repaired. But, as we know, life is often not that simple. There are a number of subtle factors that play into the decision that ultimately brings a couple to divorce mediation.
I always ask my couples the following question, first separately on the phone during a brief intake session, and then again at our initial session together: “Are you both in agreement as to why you’re coming to mediation and do you both agree as to what should happen with your marriage going forward?”
What this does is help me understand exactly where each of them is in the process of disentangling their relationship. It’s rare that both of them are at the exact same point of wanting a divorce or separation. Typically there will be one party who has thought about it more and is the initiator of the process – while the other member of the couple hasn’t worked through the process to the same extent and is experiencing more distress and confusion.
The mediation setting is the perfect environment to address this issue. In a non-threatening and supportive way, I can help the couple come to grips with the end of their relationship.
Even if disappointments are many and emotions are high, as long as both of them are willing to at least come together in a mediation setting I can help them identify what is important to each of them – so they can begin to move constructively through the process of separating their lives.
Mediation is a much better approach than litigation, especially if you have children. With over 30 years experience as a mediator, coach and lawyer, I bring a varied and rich background to my work. Contact me today to see how I can help your family.